The United States has conquered the world. “How is that?”
you say? Okay, maybe not completely, but if we do we will with the help of
Great Britain, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and any other English speaking
nations I may have forgotten. English is universal it seems. I have had little
to no trouble anywhere on this planet being a mostly-English speaker. And this
has been in Spain, Germany, France, Morocco, Portugal, Korea and here in
Arabia.
And making it all so much easier for me is the conquest of the
world by American food. For instance Kentucky Fried Chicken recently celebrated the opening
of its 100th restaurant in the United Arab Emirates. Additionally, I
can eat at Chili’s, Fuddrucker’s, Ponderosa, McDonald’s, Hardees, Subway, as
well as Popeye’s and Dominos, to name just a few.
The ONE crack in the wall is the multitude of Chinese restaurants. But, that's another subject.
You’re NOT going to find much in the way of pork ribs or good pulled or any other kind of pork in restaurants here, but
one can find as much pork as you’d like to cook at the back of any number of
stores here – back in the Non-Muslim Only section. Bacon, pork bellies, ribs, bologna, Vienna sausage, Spam, pepperoni and pork chops. Additionally, there are a
number of wonderful liquor stores here where you can get any alcoholic
beverages you like, as long as you have your liquor license. Here you need a license to BUY liquor.
If I do have any frustration, it’s that there are a number
of products here that are rare or impossible to find in any store. Grits for example, are a
rarity. I was here ten months before I found my first package, and that was
Quaker Instant Grits. Thankfully, though, I found them at exactly the right time to cook
up a reasonable facsimile of shrimp and grits for the Newcomers Dinner at church.
Now, while I have trouble finding grits, on the other hand ramen, kimchi,
haggis and anything curry are a cinch. And while I’m not a great cereal lover, I do like Special K
Vanilla and Almonds. I have found it twice since arriving, though every other
Special K flavor seems readily available, as well as Fruit Loops. The last time I found my Special K, I bought four boxes. It wasn't enough. I've been out for four months now.
And for some reason, Pam cooking spray is another rare commodity. I found
some and bought six cans. If I can find Bizquik, I’ll do the same. As one colleague said, living in the United Arab Emirates will make you a hoarder.
Why this trouble in finding these foods I can’t understand? There
are a number of major stores here including European megastore Carrefour, the UK’s
Spinneys, and local giant LuLu. I tend to wonder if they buy from one distributor?
Interestingly, for those of us who like our food spicy hot,
the variety of sauces here is mind-boggling. Tabasco, Louisiana Hot Sauce,
Frank’s Red Hot and numerous other brands American and otherwise are readily
available. EXCEPT Texas Pete. I have asked many people why Texas Pete is unavailable,
but no one seems to know. All I can figure is that perhaps some guy from Texas, or someone named Pete made a Royal Family member mad. Maybe a Texan named Pete. Who knows.
But, I can get chickpeas. Lots of chickpeas. Shelves and
shelves full of chickpeas. Chickpeas are used to make hummus, and hummus is a
staple in the Middle East. So, yeah, I can find chickpeas. And haggis. And
Brazilian pork rinds. And South African boersvor sausage. And stuffed grape leaves,
And raw grape leaves for that matter.
Oh, for some grits.
Oh, yeah. The grits were gone from that store's shelves within
days, if not hours. I have friends and colleagues here who bring grits back in their luggage
from the US. Next time I’ll just hoard them. World conquest or otherwise.
