The Real Problem with Liberals

I went to a restaurant the other day and was amused to find a car parked in a No Parking zone right on the curb in front of the eatery. Now, normally, I would be more irate than amused because I parked out in the parking lot, like we are all supposed to do. But, on this occasion I was amused because of what I saw on the car bumper and what it REALLY represents in the new, exciting, rarified atmosphere of American life and politics today.

You see, it was all okay because the car had an “OBAMA ‘08” bumper sticker.

Now, all through the campaign we heard all about “change” and that the days of “politics as usual” were over. I might have to assume that “change” meant the small metal pieces of money jangling in my pocket, and that “politics as usual” meant politics with Republicans in charge. Because, so far, what I have seen is standard operating procedure for liberals and Democrats. And this was never brought home so forcefully to me as when I saw that car parked in the No Parking zone.

I have been on this Earth nearly half-a-century. I still have a thirst for knowledge that rivals my curiosity as when I was a three-year-old. I still want to know and understand why things work and how they work. And in my time on this planet and all the inquiry I have made I have seen things and questioned and analyzed them over and over. And as I grow and grow older, one thing is painfully obvious. In the liberal world in which we live, liberals make laws and rules for everyone but themselves.

You may find that curious, but it angers me when the body of evidence increases daily. Now, while these sorts of things have a long history for liberals and democrats, the opposite is equally long on the conservative side. I will note only some of the most recent evidence to build my case, but they are stark and scream of a double standard.

The first example is Senatress Hillary Clinton’s cakewalk hearing in the Senate for her nomination as the Secretary of State for the incoming Obama administration. Clinton has a long list and litany of questionable issues that truly do make one wonder as to her ability to properly function as a true, unbiased representative of the United States. She and her husband’s myriad contacts and dealings with foreign nations having to do with MILLIONS of dollars going into their pockets and the pockets of their pet projects would quickly, undoubtedly and firmly derail any conservative in a similar circumstance. That nominee would be in the pocket of evil, Arab, oil barons.

Then there is Timothy Geithner, the man that President Obama wants for the new Secretary of the Treasury. This man blatantly evaded paying taxes, despite being told that by his employer, AND THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE, that he was required to do so. He finally paid up when he learned he might be able to get a plumb political appointment. Would a non-liberal still be on the list? Much lesser things destroyed the nominations of Reagan and both Bush’s nominees.

New York 15th District Representative Charlie Rangel, a Democrat, after years of outrageous conduct and race-baiting, is suddenly found to have failed to report rental income on a beach house in the Dominican Republic, or even pay taxes on the income. He also claims to be living in at least three government-funded, rent-subsidized apartments in New York City, all while also claiming his primary home in Washington, DC for tax purposes. Additionally, he allegedly used congressional stationery to solicit donors for a City College public policy institute in his name, along with other alleged problems. Conversely, Republican Senator Larry Craig of Idaho was caught apparently attempting to solicit gay sex in a public bathroom. According to liberals, there is apparently nothing wrong with being gay. But, if you are Republican, conservative, white and gay, then there is a problem. He was skewered in the press and resigned. Rangel is still in congress, and has yet to be skewered by anyone in the press.

Bill Clinton pardoned felon Mark Rich. When all the truth came out, mostly that Rich had given money to certain Democrats, Clinton worked hard to explain it away. President George W. Bush on the other hand revoked a pardon he issued to Isaac Robert Toussie, whose father had donated money to certain Republicans. Bush REVOKED the pardon. Democrat patron Rich is no longer a felon. Toussie, whose father is a Republican patron, is still a felon.

Now that Barack Obama is the new president he promptly signed a new order establishing incredibly high standards for lobbying and government service. He then just as promptly was forced to consider a waiver for William J. Lynn III as the proposed Assistant Secretary of Defense. Were the standards just impossibly high? Perhaps, but more to the point, the idea that the new rule can be waived for a liberal administration.

Remember, liberal rules are really for non-liberals.

It would seem that liberals believe, with all their heart, that non-liberals (Republicans, conservatives, Christians, whatever they may be called) are evil, must be curbed and need rules. Liberals, on the other hand, don’t need such rules. They are kind, loving, good people who only want what is best.

So, if one of them breaks a little rule, like say parking in a No Parking zone or evading taxes that we must believe he really wanted to pay all along, it’s really okay. Really. It is. So, I guess I really should still be more amused than irate.

So how come I’m not?

A New Religion?

In my pursuit of a Bachelors Degree toward my efforts to enter the seminary, I have taken as many religion courses as are available at my college. One of these courses is World Religion. The instructor is an interesting lady who teaches at the University of South Carolina, Benedict College, and at my school, Limestone College. All the have campuses in Columbia, South Carolina. It was explained that all religions have four elements that affect them: Culture, Founding, Sacred Texts, History. And as our Final Exam, she assigned us the task of making our own religion.
The efforts were noble and sublime and much in between. I went for the sublime. And in this, I found my choice of subject religion to be surprisingly easy! Below is the basic outline of my "new" religion that I presented for a grade.
As I was developing my assignment, I recall thinking "I hope I don't go to Hell for this." I mentioned this to my parish priest and he found it amusing, suggesting I blog it. I was assured that God does in fact have a sense of humor, and that he would likely forgive me for this. He's right, I'm sure. I got an 'A.'
So, for your entertainment (And for His glory) I present to you:

The HIGH HOLY, MOST SOVEREIGN CHURCH of CORVETTE

"In the beginning, there were cars. They were angled, utilitarian, and void of style form and beauty. Many tried to bring beauty, form and style to the car. All failed. Some were beautiful, some stylish, and some had form. Some were able to bring together two. But, the divine trinity eluded all.

It was then that the Most Divine Prophet Harley Earl brought forth upon the land the most high, holy Corvette. Many car models exist, but there is but one Corvette."
_______________________________________________

Holy Days –

January 17 - The General Motors Motorama opens in 1953 to the general public in New York City. On this day, Corvette unveiled herself to the people.

June 29 – The first production Corvette is completed in 1953. The birth of the goddess Corvette.

July 15 – Corvette’s first priest, Joe Pike, founds the first Corvette club in 1954. (Actual date unknown.)

August 20– At a NASCAR-sanctioned sports car race at Raleigh Speedway in 1954, a stock-engined 1953 Corvette races.

High, Holy Month of September

September 1 (First day of the Holy Year) – Acknowledged as the date of the immaculate conception of Corvette in 1951 by General Motors' chief stylist Harley Earl.

September 9 – Ford begins production in 1954 of the Thunderbird sports car, the first of the false gods. Celebrated for Corvette’s accession as the High God of All.

September 29 – In 1953 Chevrolet makes a nine-page news release about the Corvette. This is generally acknowledged as the first of the psalms to the Great, High God Corvette.

October 26 – In 1953 a Corvette has a V-8 engine installed as a test of such installation. Celebrated as the day Corvette became all powerful.
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CULTURE
It was the culture of the car into which the goddess Corvette was brought. The worship of the car is shown in many ways. NAPA, Auto Zone, CarQuest, O’Reilly’s, and many others demonstrate the need of the society.
Additionally, there are numerous car washes where people wash their cars, and others where other people are paid to wash the cars.
________________________________________________

FOUNDERS
The founders were the Most Divine Prophet Harley Earl, and the First High Priest Joe Pike initiated the religion’s hierarchy.
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SACRED TEXTS
A 1953 nine-page news release about the Corvette was the first. Annually, the Creator issues new texts on the Goddess. These include the “Owners Manual” and “Maintenance Manual,” many of which are produced in numerous versions by Chiltons, Haynes, Dixon, and others including the Creator’s.
________________________________________________

HISTORY
Since the First Day, September 1, 1951, the faith has grown steadily. The morphing of the goddess Corvette to appeal to new adherents on a regular basis has kept the religion steady, though it is considered to be a religion of exclusivity. Much cost is associated with inclusion into the faith, and additional costs that are incurred every year are burdensome. Nevertheless, many new members are admitted every year, and most that enter never leave.

More Evidence That Liberal Ideas (Almost) Never Work

On June 22 of this year I posted an argument concerning our government’s “solutions” to any number of issues. It was with a smug horror that I find that my words were almost prescient.

I argued that America is a wealthy nation. We, as barely four percent of the World’s population produce fully twenty-five percent of the World’s wealth. And I stated that it is this wealth that causes liberals to make us believe that we are greedy or just too self-centered and they must come up with solutions to cure this sinful selfishness.

And so we are now in the midst of the worst financial breakdown in America and on Earth since at least the fiasco of the Carter Administration and quite possibly the Depression of the 1930’s. In the 1930’s, in the throes of the Great Depression, Franklin Delano Roosevelt came up with the “Alphabet Agencies” which expanded the US government exponentially and militarily socialized society. It is felt by many historians and economists that this effort actually lengthened the downturn by as much as 100 per cent. One of the programs introduced during FDR’s tenure in 1938 was the Federal National Mortgage Association, or “Fannie Mae.” When Richard Nixon took over from Johnson’s Great Society, his populist conversion led to the Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation, or Freddie Mac in 1970.

I previously said that I understand that all these programs are based on the best of intentions, and that I also know to that the Road to Hell is paved with those same intentions. And so it is with Fannie and Freddie. Our benevolent government decided, with some real evidence, that homeowners are more stable, less likely to commit crime, and are therefore more responsible and better citizens. So, the US Government jumped into the mortgage business in order to boost the ability of the average American to own a home, and then be more stable, become responsible, and raise a family. This would all, then, contribute to a stronger, more stable nation. It seems all so logical.

So, during the Clinton administration, Fannie, Freddie, and the private banks and institutions that are dependent on them, were ordered to ease their lending requirements and give loans to nearly anyone who wanted to buy a home. Great idea! Except, there were no real rules to ensure that EVERYONE was going to make the proper decision. In fact, the financial institutions were threatened by the Clinton Justice Department with criminal charges if they refused to go along!

Nevertheless, it soon dawned on managers of banks and other lenders that huge money could be made by lending to people who were traditionally high risk, AND THAT THE LOANS WOULD BE GUARANTEED BY THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER! No muss, no fuss, and it was ALL LEGAL! Why? Because Congress, whose job it is to control and manage these agencies were more interested in catering to their constituencies than in the dangers of a potential global financial meltdown. Warned of the potential problems repeatedly over the past decade, Congressional committee chairs Christopher Todd and Barney Franks refused to increase oversight or tighten regulations.

How were they warned? Shoot, even the liberal New York Times in an article published in 1999 stated as much.

But, the government decided some social engineering was a good thing, and that we could MAKE people responsible if they owned their own home. This same entity also thought that welfare was a great idea. That is why today a black child is less likely to be raised in a two-parent household than he was during Slavery.
The point of all this? Simply that the government is incapable of properly and effectively performing those things that the free market does so well. When the government puts its hand in where it should never have ever been, it brings catastrophic returns to our nation. In this case, it also brought it to the World.

Don’t be fooled. Capitalism didn’t cause this catastrophe. It was the intrusion of government into the mortgage market that was the prime reason for this melt-down. Capitalism, as it is wont to do, took advantage of government foolishness and a small group of people got rich. And you and I are left holding the bag. Christopher Todd, Barney Franks, John McCain, Barack Obama, and as far back as Lyndon Johnson and even Franklin Roosevelt, and a host of others are the real culprits in this. These are the people that WE elected to run our government.

And, so, we too are to blame.

FEAR & LOATHING IN JUSTICE

In 1985 I and a friend were in an underground mall in Pusan, South Korea. It was a fascinating moment for me, as I hadn’t been in a foreign country since leaving (then) West Germany in 1963 as a three-year-old Army brat. As we walked down the corridor, darting in and out of the shops to sample the wares, our attention was diverted to a disruption ahead of us.

The packed Korean humanity parted like Cecil B. De Mille’s Red Sea as people quickly moved against the walls and glass fronts of the shops, or quickly ducked inside suddenly filled stores, as three Korean National Police Officers, walking abreast, strode down the middle of the corridor. Some people pulled others out of the way, ensuring that those unaware did not impede the progress of the KNP officers.

Why such a spectacle? The people feared and respected these approaching officers. Truly.

Could you imagine anything of the sort today in America? I can’t. American police are almost universally portrayed in police dramas as something short of incompetent, frustrated Neanderthals barely able to think without the canny prosecutor, DA, or CSI expert there to guide them through.

Additionally, constant efforts by the media and the courts to emasculate American police forces ensures that on almost every occasion, a cop has to completely outsmart, outrun, or out-drive a suspect. Why is this? I get so frustrated when I watch police videos that show an officer having to holster his weapon and take chase of a suspect. Incredible! Why is this person running?

Seriously, if the suspect is innocent, why would he run? Invariably, the suspect/runner will say "I was scared," or something in that vein. But of what?
The cop has a weapon, but he can't use it. He knows it, the runner knows it, and everyone in society knows it.

But, the police officer should be able to use it. Period.

I can already hear the cries of indignation! Police brutality! Sanctioned murder! Give me a break. It occurred to me some time back that if a police officer in pursuit of a murder/rape/assault suspect would just pull his service weapon and shoot that suspect, I’d bet that a whole lot of others who normally take flight would stop, put up their hands, and peacefully lie down on the ground the next time. Hey, suspects run because they think they might be able to outrun the police. They're only fear is that they WON'T be able to outrun that cop.

And if they can outrun the police, that means that they get more opportunities for murder, rape, and assault. I can assure that a South Korean citizen would stop, put up their hands and peacefully get on the ground. If not, the NKP would shoot. And Koreans KNOW this, beyond a doubt.

I’ve seen dashboard cameras of cops getting run off the road by people who will do anything to get away. These people will run over others, ram other cars, hurt other people, and if that cop making the arrest hits the driver or strikes him, the COP will be investigated for assault!

Really, does it make any sense to arm a cop if he can’t use the weapon? We need to get serious about STOPPING bad people immediately, instead of giving them more opportunity to do bad things. And as for hitting someone because he’s an idiot and a criminal, they really probably deserve it.

Really.

A White Cloud AND A Silver Lining?

I sit here two days after the second most historic Presidential election in United States’ history – the first being George Washington’s, of course – and wonder what other silver linings could there be.

I watched as throngs of Americans – black, white, yellow, brown, and all colors in between – celebrate a truly historic occasion. I listened to a story on National Public Radio of a 109-year-old daughter of a slave who saw a son of a black man win the highest office in the land. And I saw a nation change right before my eyes. It was an amazing thing to witness.

I also watched as infamous race-baiter (and fellow South Carolinian) Jesse Jackson crying his eyes out in Chicago. And I was struck by the question that popped into my mind: “Was Jesse crying tears of joy? Or was he crying because he saw his meal ticket flying away in the Chicago wind?”

“Huh? What could you possibly mean, Rupe?” you are surely saying. Jesse watched as Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., bled out in Memphis after being shot down by an assassin’s bullet. Jesse fought hard for that very moment when Senator John McCain conceded defeat in Arizona and Barack Obama became the President-Elect of this multi-racial nation. Jesse even ran for president on a few occasions, being soundly thumped when his rhetoric fell upon too many deaf ears even in the Democratic Party. So, what could I possibly be writing about?

Simply this: Jackson’s and Reverend Al Sharpton’s raison d’etre’ can no longer stand up to any public scrutiny. America can no longer be called a racist nation.

With a majority of whites, Hispanics, and nearly every black person in the United States voting to vault Obama to the presidency, any notion that race is still a factor in America goes right out the window.

Liberal “African America” can no longer stand on the platform that every social ill suffered by it is caused by racism. The Bradley Effect is dead. America has just proved what many in America have said for years – racism as an institution is dead.

So, for conservatives, there just may be a silver lining after all.

THE MORAL HIGH GROUND?

Our nation is a nation based on laws that regulate our daily lives. Generally, they are based on the intent and writings of our founding fathers, which were based on English Common Law, Biblical Law, and the notion that each person has certain rights that were granted by God, not man. That these principles have survived for over 200 years proves the fairness and insightfulness of the system. And yet, there are people who live in America who feel the need to break these laws and principles.

Today the United States in the freest nation on Earth, and generally has been for the past two-plus centuries. And despite this, there are those who feel the need or desire to break the few rules that the nation has placed upon us. One of the most basic of rules of the nation and of civilization in general is that against murder. And even then, we codify and grade murder in America – Premeditated Murder, Manslaughter, Third Degree Murder, Malicious Homicide, Negligent Homicide, ad infinitum, it would seem. Of all of those, First Degree or Premeditated Murder is almost universally set aside for those who are the most vile and dangerous. It is for those who plan for and then commit murder.

Now, any way you look at it, anyone who can plan and then actually murder another is truly a horrible being. Many of us plan arguments and things we want to say to others and can’t pull it off. So, to actually visualize, plan and execute a murder takes a deeply mean, vicious, vile and violent person. There is just no two ways about it.

With all the freedoms we have in America, what would be the necessity of murder? What is it that would cause someone in a personal world of rage and frustration to do such a thing? And once they have done such a thing, why would we as a people then provide an unbiased jury, find that person guilty, place that person into an institution, feed them, give them medical care, clothe them, give them a place to sleep, and provide them with most of the amenities of life, all until they die? Have they not proven their inability to live in a free and just society?

And how about all those who live within the rules every day? They work, pay taxes, provide for their families, and give back to the society, and never once hurt anyone on purpose. Those people have to give their money to a system that is required to sustain the lives of people who cannot live within the rules. There are many cold-blooded killers who today, or have in the past, lived the vast majority of their natural lives in prison supported by good, decent, honorable people. These killers provide nothing for the community or society, yet we are required to provide them with all the amenities of a reasonably comfortable life.

Susan Smith murdered her own children in cold blood in order to try and win the heart of a man. Wayne Williams, the Atlanta child murderer is another. Richard Speck raped, tortured and killed eight nursing students in Chicago all for his own, sick pleasure. George Emil Banks, who murdered thirteen, including six children ranging in age from one to eleven (ironically, he has attempted suicide on at least four occasions). Brian Uyesugi killed seven of his co-workers in Hawaii. Jerry Brudos murdered four women on separate occasions for sexual satisfaction, and died in prison of natural causes after 37 years of incarceration. Randy Steven Kraft who is suspected of killing and castrating 67 homosexual men, though 22 of his victims have yet to be found. He’s been in prison 25 years. In all these cases, these people not only killed fellow people, but PLANNED the killings. And then we Americans paid or are paying to keep these people comfortable and alive in prison, until death by natural causes. It’s all paid for by you and me.

While in prison, they can obtain everything from GEDs to Masters Degrees, all on the taxpayer’s tab. They can choose to work in the prison industry system, or do nothing at all, all on the taxpayer’s dole. They’re fed, clothed and housed in some comfort, again with taxpayer financing. They can even legally worship the devil, and taxpayers have to provide them the opportunity.

Then, if they are somehow non-repentant inside this system, we build super-prisons for them, at HUGE expense to us, regimenting their miserable lives to the nth degree in order to ensure that they can murder no more. The cost of this is in the millions annually.

And somehow, this proves that we are a moral people? How is that a moral thing to place upon a citizenry? Why should good, moral, hard-working people be required to provide everything a person would need for as many as 80 or 90 years to anyone who have proven that they are not capable of living within those rules – AND feels the need to take away the life (or lives) of those who can live within the rules? I truly don’t understand this morality. What is moral about requiring a moral society to supply and support grossly immoral people?

I believe that it is not.

And that is why just societies perform and enforce the penalty of death. It is imposed on those who have proven themselves to be incapable of living in just, free and tolerant societies. Just, fair, and righteous people should not be forced to support those who are not, those who are societal leaches, those who refuse to live by the rules we all live by, those who are so coarse and callous as to plan, plot, and execute the murder of others.

Life in prison for this type of person is just only for that type of person. The rest of us continue to pay until after that person has died.

But wait! There is more! How about after their death? Yes, we citizens continue to pay.

The taxpayer also buries the murderer.

Where’s the justice in any of that?

A Prediction of Evil

When it comes to the Democratic Party of the USA, I am a virulent cynic. Their past three presidential candidates (Bill Clinton, John Kerry and Barack Obama) would never be able to pass a standard US Government security investigation in order to hold a government job. And this is also true of many of their Federal office-holders in both houses of Congress.

Now they have nominated Barack Obama, who his so far to the left that his views line up as more socialist than the one Socialist member of Congress! I’m not kidding – this has been documented but totally ignored by the media. Frighteningly, they have been making huge attempts to convince us that this man is a moderate, middle-of-the-road politician! And the US media is lining right up behind this claptrap. It is truly amazing.

Ironically, he defeated a candidate whose sole claim to fame is the blatant attempt to nationalize and socialize one-seventh of the American economy. Hillary Clinton’s aborted attempt to take over American medical practice is still her dream. Unfortunately, the cabal of she and her husband still hold great sway over the Democratic Party, despite the overwhelming evidence of their self-centered and evil ways.

So, it was with much trepidation that I read that the Democrat’s Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden will drop out and that he will be replaced by Hillary Clinton. Of course, this would be a violent knee-jerk reaction to the nomination of Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin. This is a frightening prospect, though, considering the fate of many of the Clinton’s political foes, and even friends.

With this in mind:

- If Joe Biden drops out;
- If Hillary Clinton replaces Joe Biden;
- If Obama-Clinton win the November election;
- And if they are sworn in:

I believe that Barack Obama will be dead before the end of his first (and only) term and that Hillary Clinton will become president in accordance with Constitutional succession.

Mark these words.

The Queen has Called us Back!

I have a fine friend in the north of England who has a wonderful, Christian sense of humor. I’ve played Rugby with him and he is a good man with a fine, traditional family. He sent me the following, soliciting my comments. Below are the message and my reply interspersed. I enjoyed this so much that I decided to share. Enjoy:

Message to the Citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your acute failure in recent years to nominate even slightly competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus having the ability to govern yourselves, current Presidential candidates included, we hereby give notice of the Revocation of Independence, effective immediately.

That would be perfectly fine, IF you think you can do any better than you have in the American Colonies, Africa, India-Pakistan-Afghanistan-et al, Ireland, The Falklands, and of course, Scotland.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, districts and territories (except California, which Her Majesty does not fancy).

Honestly, nor do we. Do what you will with San Francisco and L.A. We’ll keep San Diego, if you please.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor General of America without the need for further elections.

Just like it was when we WERE still colonies, right?

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded and replaced with the Chamber of Commons, which is much more appropriate considering the IQ of the majority of contestants on the Jerry Springer show.

Will he or The Queen also ban the Jerry Springer Show? Please? Pretty please? Pretty, pretty please, with sugar on top?

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. Look up "questionnaire" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

You mean those dusty brown books that you find back in the corner of the reference shelves in libraries?

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. American Heritage dictionary is banned. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

See previous statement above.

1a. Then look up "aluminium", and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrong you have been pronouncing it.

But, it is PROPERLY spelled with but one (1) 'i'. Use what we call “phonics.”

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'honour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be eliminated.

OK, but for what good reason. We threw out those letters because they had no use. Kind of like what we did with the Crown (See 'War for Independence - 1775-1783'). Oh, and might as well get rid of '-ate' while you're at it. Oh, and we only throw out slightly more than a third of ‘donut’s’ letters. Can we keep our math? You liked it enough to go to decimals for your money years ago.

2a. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to Junior High School levels (look up 'vocabulary'). You will be required within 3 months to sit a written English exam, personally, by yourself, on your own, with no help. If you fail you will be deported to Mexico. A fleet of buses stretching 320Km has been assembled in San Diego.

Sorry about that, but all our English pretty much evolved from the Scots and Irish you didn't like and threw our way, and perhaps half of Yorkshire. Throw in all the Africans you shipped here in order to prop up the English and Colonial economies and you see the language problem you left us. And that would be 199 miles, correct? I thought you still used the imperial method, not having bowed down the 'perfect' French system of measure. Dang those French.

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" and "not" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

Sounds bloody good, and no bloody shite, eh mate? Bloody good!

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. This will be replaced by RI day, today!

While you're at it, do you think we could eliminate all those ridiculous abbreviations and spell out everything, like "Revocation of Independence?"

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

Whatever. It still beats having a socialist/fascist government make all my decisions. Although, if we made all our lawyers wear powdered wigs, we probably wouldn't have that many, either. As for therapists, I’ve been unable to trust them since I realized that it’s spelled the same as ‘the rapists.”

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a plastic vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

Then that means I'll have to endure a huge rise in violent crime, just as had occurred in GB? I'll just have to be a criminal. May God bless our Constitution and its attendant 2nd Amendment. An armed populace is Citizens. An unarmed populace is subjects. Oops, sorry. That is the point, right? What with the monarchy and all?

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

Outside of Monty Python and Benny Hill, I didn't realize the English had any humor (American spelling!)

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. You will also adopt UK taxes. Get used to that too. And you will be taxed heavily if you live more than 10kms from your place of employment. So there! Don't expect any sympathy for being the all-time greatest wasters!

We're almost there on petrol, hah! As with taxes, that means we'll ALL be poor and if we want to be able to buy our own homes we'll have to take five years of our lives, move to some armpit of a country in order to be able to move back and buy it. Damn. As for all-time great wasters, I find it interesting that we Americans, with four (4) percent of the World's population, use 24% of the Earth's energy in order to produce 26% of the world's wealth. That over an 800% return on human capital, and over 8% return on financial capital. So there!

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed, not with catsup, but with salt & vinegar.

Now this I can live with. I've never been a big fan of catsup/ketchup. FYI, look up the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum online.

10. The cold tasteless piss you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, only Guinness will be referred to as draught, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine and Weasel's Pee. This decree so that all beers can be sold without risk of further confusion.

OK, but realize that Budweiser is STILL the WORLD's best selling beer, with about 40% of the market. That's a 1000% return on human capital. So there, again!

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

Hollywood? I've seen English flicks do a fair job of mutilating the Scottish inflection, and do a fair job of mutilating logic, but I digress.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play Rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). However, we suggest you don't try Rugby until well educated - the Kiwis and South Africans will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

As for football, personally I've never considered soccer football to be a proper anything. Why have arms if you can't use them? We know where I stand on the greatest sport ever to be produced by mankind - Rugby. 'Nuff said! By the way, the US is still the reigning Olympic Rugby champions, and we destroyed the in 1928 French (in Paris, mind you) to do that.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It will be replaced with 'rounders'. (look up 'rounders'). It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn Cricket. You will also study Geography. Your 2nd written test will be to list all of the Capital Cities of each country, personally. If you fail you will be deported to Mexico. Another fleet of buses stretching 1320Km has been assembled in San Antonio.

When 'rounders' can become an Olympic sport, then surely we could consider it, kinda like team handball, y'know. Cricket? That might be acceptable, but only if beer is involved. I can't argue the geography thing. But then we have never tried to rule the whole of the world for God and King through force of arms, and so never needed to know where Queen Maud Land is or was, or if it ever actually existed. But if you must, I would suggest additional busses on the end of that 820 mile long queue.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK.....and who blew up the WT Towers.....and what happened to all the gold in the basement of Building 7?

There you go with the initials and abbreviations again. OK, but we’ll trade the World Trade Towers if you tell us who killed Diana. As for the WT Towers: probably some guys whose history had some British influence. Also: Gold? What gold? There was no gold. I swear it!

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

Kinda like those pagans in ancient Rome, eh? Render unto Caesar, oops, I mean the Crown.

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups and saucers, and never mugs, with high quality chocolate biscuits (cookies), scones (biscuits) and cream cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

OK, being as that we an overweight nation and all, we can probably live with this. BUT, you will have to shut down all the McDonalds, KFC and Pizza Hut restaurants currently operating in GB and its dependencies, if there are any others left outside of random denuded, overly militarized islands in the middle of some unknown sea.

God save the Queen

And may God bless America. I would never assume the God has blessed America or the Queen. It's a Protestant, American, God-fearin' thing.

Evidence We Won Iraq

Four months into my tour at Qayyarrah-West, Iraq, about January 2005, I wrote this. It seemed appropriate at the time and it still does. It started one night during our tour when my colleagues and I were discussing a variety of things before one of our seemingly never-ceasing meetings. We were discussing home, the war and our jobs, both in the military and in civilian life. We also were “smokin’ and jokin’,” just laughing, and enjoying good company. It’s really amazing what a soldier can find that will amuse him or her in a war zone. Some of the most mundane things will bring howls of laughter in the proper, and sometimes improper, context.

Of course we discussed this war, “Our War” if you will, and how long America will be in Iraq. Opinions range from two years to “till forever.” Of course, we can’t and won’t know when we will leave until it actually occurs. We won the Gulf War and we’re still in Kuwait, though we have left Saudi Arabia.

We’ve also won three wars in Europe over the past ninety years (World Wars I and II, and the Cold War) and we’re still there. It’s the same in Japan and Korea, of course. Promises or assurances when it comes to war and politics are normally useless. Most of us understand this. America was assured by President Clinton that we would be out of Bosnia-Herzegovina within a year. That was in the middle of the last decade and we just pulled the last of our peacekeeping “Implementation” and “Stabilization” forces out of that nation about ten years later. There isn’t a soldier alive then that didn’t know that those words were a pure, unadulterated lie. And we have troops just a few miles south of there in Kosovo still today.

Well, all this got me to thinking. Occasionally soldiers do that, you know. I decided that as a public service it might be good to let you know how to tell when “Our War” is over.
So, in keeping with the craze pioneered by late-night television host David Letterman, I present to you a list of “The Top Ten Ways to Know the Iraq War Has Been Won” in descending order from 10:

10. Your neighbor’s son (or daughter) returns home from Iraq with an Iraqi bride (or husband);

9. The Iraqi Liberal Democratic Party accuses the Iraqi Conservative Party of wanting to make the old people of Iraq eat pork and send their retirement funds to New World corporations because of proposed changes to Iraqi pension laws;

8. The political spending of the Iraqi presidential elections, run by American experts hired from inside The Beltway by Iraqi political parties, is being compared to the spending in California gubernatorial elections;

7. Iraqis protest the impending departure of American troops and bases from their towns, and form committees to go to Washington to lobby the latest Base Realignment and Closure (BRAC) commission, Congress, the Pentagon and the President;

6. Your new state-of-the-art laser satellite receiver/gaming box/movie cube/television combo was manufactured in Fallujah, Iraq, deep in the heart of the Sunni Triangle;

5. Iraq’s leading retailer is Wal-Mart;

4. Iraq’s biggest new hip-hop group, Hezbollah’s Hellions, hit number one on the Billboard pop chart in the US;

3. American labor unions lobby Congress for protection from cheap Iraqi imports;

2. Hooters announces the opening of their new Baghdad restaurant;

And the number 1 way that Americans will know when we’ve won the Iraq War:

1. Teams of Iraqi lawyers arrive at the 9th Circuit Federal District Court in San Francisco and at The World Court in The Hague, Netherlands ready to file suit against the United States Department of Defense for damages incurred during Desert Shield, Desert Storm, and The Iraq War.

Again, America will have freed the oppressed.

Why I'm A Rugger

I’m a rugger. I’ve been one for thirty years now. For those of you unaware, a rugger is a rugby player. I’ve been hooked since my first match in 1978 at Mississippi State University and have never looked back. I have learned much more in Rugby about sportsmanship and honor than I ever learned in baseball, track, football (all of which I played in high school and in recreation) and all other sports I’ve played. Rugby taught me respect for my opposition, and what goes on the pitch (or playing field) stays there.

I continue to learn. Two recent incidents have taught me just how great this sport truly is.

In April, the managing organization of the high school club that I founded and coached, Lugoff-Elgin Rugby Football Club (RFC), released me as their head coach. When I moved to get the parents to form the managing group, it was my intent to ensure that the player’s parents had full control of the club of which their kids were members. While I was upset at my release, I continued to follow the club through its final two matches because it was ‘my’ club and because my son, Ian, played.

Before ‘my’ club’s final match of the year, I volunteered as a match official for another match as a touch judge, and ran touch for that playoff match. The match was well played, but the losing side, a very new club who had yet to understand all that was involved in the sport, came off the field very upset. I made an effort to calm the situation and the team captain mocked me and made somewhat vulgar motions toward me. To my eternal shame and horror, I struck him on his neck with my touch flags.

To this day I don’t know what or why it occurred. I just know that it did. I will regret it till I die. The Palmetto Rugby Union promptly suspended me for a minimum of eight months from any and all activity with Rugby, outside of being a spectator, and placed on me a lifetime suspension from youth Rugby. I applaud their decision. It was clearly the right one and I fully support the decision that was fully vetted by PRU president Bill Bell, South Carolina High School Rugby commissioner Jeff Smolka, and PRU/SCHSR disciplinary chair John Myers. It was undoubtedly the right decision.

I know fully that if I had been a coach for football, soccer, lacrosse, baseball, or any other sport out there, I would likely have received a minor rebuke and perhaps a suspension of two or three games. This would have been likely much less had I been involved with a winning team of any of those sports, such is the state of sports in America today. Nevertheless, I know that USA Rugby is where I still want my sporting dollar to go, because despite my regret and anger at what occurred, the correct decision was rendered.

Then, less than two weeks ago, one of my young ruggers – one of my first in fact – died in a very tragic accident. The team had thrown a surprise party at a lake to send off one of their teammates who was entering the US Navy. There was adult supervision and, like the fine men and women they were, they had no alcohol or anything else that they weren’t supposed to have. The young victim, Tyler Austin Narr, rode there with Ian to the celebration and was quite excited as he had been unable to play any sports due to a severe knee injury, and some attendant complications.

During the party many of the ruggers went swimming, as did Tyler. He suddenly went under in full view of many people and never resurfaced. Ruggers and many others nearby attempted to find him, but couldn’t. It was a diver who recovered him some time later that day. It was a traumatic and tragic day for all involved, obviously.

He was a wonderful young man, who had just returned to high school for his junior year. He played football, wrestled, lifted weights competitively, and played Rugby, all while maintaining a ‘B’ average. And he was the spitting image of Scooby-Doo’s Shaggy.

He so loved Rugby that his mom asked the team to act as pall bearers. The funeral was packed. The team wore slacks and their club jerseys. Some of the football team acted as honorary pall bearers. And, showing all what Rugby is truly about, opposing players from another club, Sumter RFC, also showed up wearing their jerseys, all to honor a fellow rugger. It was a wonderful and touching tribute, and a credit to their coach John Etheridge.

This, all this, along with many other things, is why Rugby is my sport. It will always be. And while I clearly have regrets, two of which are very recent, I will never regret that I was, am, and will always be a rugger.